Bear the Light Anyway

 

Have you ever experienced this? You are doing well in your work, you feel like you are making a difference, you are having success with personal goals you've set for yourself, maybe even success with goals you've set for others -- and then out of nowhere, someone says or does something selfish or demeaning or petty to you. You are completely disorientated by this action because up until that moment, you were receiving positive feedback from the Universe. 

This, my friends, is what happens when you are a light-bearer, when your light is bright. At first, when you start making the gains you had hoped for, people are supportive and happy for you (or at least appear to be). But, there is a tipping point in which your light goes from being an inspiration for others, to a target for the insecure. 

I've experienced this phenomenon a few times in my life, and sadly, the arrows can come from within, from people you think are on your team, but you realize that they'd actually like your success to be slightly less, please, because it's making us look bad over here. The arrows can come from even deeper within -- the arrows of self-sabotage, slung from your own quiver as you doubt your worth or potential. 

When these arrows come, it can be so tempting to root around for the dimmer switch on your light. Maybe I was trying too hard, you start to think. Maybe I assumed more abundance was than I truly deserve for my project/my life/my team. 

You start holding back, you start feeling unwanted or unwelcome at tables where decisions are made and voices are heard. You stop being "so much." You dial back, you start to filter everything through the lens of "What will they say? What will they criticize next?"

And friend, this is tragic because you know in your heart what you are meant to do. You know that your work matters. You know you are here on this Earth to bear the light, but you aren't being true to yourself because of them. 

What can you do when you find yourself in this position? 

1. Put some space between you and the situation. Physically, mentally, emotionally. Take a break. Maybe it's a weekend, maybe it's an intentional sick day. I'm talking temporary space to think, nothing drastic like resigning. Just simply not responding, not acting, not reacting -- merely space. 

2. Once you have that space, spend some time in silence. If you are a spiritual person, you might ask your higher power to download some content for you in the silence. A question I've borrowed from Liz Gilbert is "Love, what would you have me know today?" Then sit in silence and see what comes up about your situation. I've found that deep down, we usually already know what to do, but we need to get quiet and still enough to listen and know. 

3. Next, pay attention to what comes up for you. Write down your values about the situation. What is important to you? What light were you bearing in the first place? Why? Do you believe it's worth bearing?This is where you can start to distinguish between valid criticism from a fellow human in the arena from petty jealousy over your progress. 

4. Finally, take action. If, after you've taken the space and time to reflect on your work, you can honestly say that you are in alignment with your values, then get back to work. You now see the criticism for what it is, and you can see that perseverating on it will do nothing but detract from your goals. So, let it go, and get back to work. If, after reflection, you see areas of possible improvement, then tweak what you need to and then get back to work. 

It is not easy work, to be a light-bearer. But if you are one (and I believe we all can be), you must sift through the critics to find the wheat from the chaff. Use what you can to refine your work, and leave the rest. Bear the light, even if others would rather stay in the dark. I'll leave you with a reminder of Plato's Allegory of the Cave --

Once, there were several men chained up in a cave. Each day, they saw passing shadows on the wall of the cave, and they believed the shadows were the real objects, because they didn't know what shadows were. One day, one of the men got free and left the cave. He was at first in pain -- his eyes weren't accustomed to the light. But, as he adjusted, he saw the sun, the trees, the world. He was filled with awe, realizing that what he thought was reality was just a fraction of the true experience. He ran back to the cave, to tell his brothers in bondage. He is stunned when the other men respond in anger and disbelief. They are simply not ready to leave their ignorant perceptions behind. 

The enlightened man had an obligation to return to the others, didn't he? He was meant to bear the light, even if he is not well-received. We, too, must bear it anyway.