lux et amor

Just the other day, I wrote a post, encouraging us to consider the impact of isolating technologies , naming DoorDash and UberEats as possible ways for us to avoid contact with other human beings. I am decidedly not against these advancements, which clearly served us all well during the global pandemic, but I am cautious about our potential over-reliance on them.  And, a few days later, my daughter turned 18 (more on that later, friends), and her older brother and his wife, stationed in California at the moment, sent her mini pies from Crumbl (what do they have against the e at the end?) from across the country.  This is how the world works, right? For every yin, there is a yang. Yes, we still need to be cautious and intentional about how we use technology, but at the same time, look at what it can do. Pies notwithstanding, we can send messages and gifts to people we love who are separated by miles but not in our hearts. It's on us to strike the balance. Consciously. Intention...

  Have you ever experienced this? You are doing well in your work, you feel like you are making a difference, you are having success with personal goals you've set for yourself, maybe even success with goals you've set for others -- and then out of nowhere, someone says or does something selfish or demeaning or petty to you. You are completely disorientated by this action because up until that moment, you were receiving positive feedback from the Universe.  This, my friends, is what happens when you are a light-bearer, when your light is bright. At first, when you start making the gains you had hoped for, people are supportive and happy for you (or at least appear to be). But, there is a tipping point in which your light goes from being an inspiration for others, to a target for the insecure.  I've experienced this phenomenon a few times in my life, and sadly, the arrows can come from within, from people you think are on your team, but you realize that they'd actually l...

Lately, I’ve noticed myself seeking information from experts, like a lot. From books to podcasts to articles, I will happily drown myself in research. This morning, however, as I tuned into an episode of Dr. Rangan Chatterjee’s podcast, I heard him say, “We do not have an information problem. We have an action problem.” In addition, Dr. Chatterjee continued, we’ve come to revere science and experts to the detriment of trusting ourselves.  While the irony of an expert telling me this is not escaping me, I’ve been reflecting on how very true this is, not only for me, but for many other people right now. We are absolutely inundated with information as a society. The human brain processes 74 gigabytes (GB) of data on a regular basis. We are constantly bombarded with sensory input – from sounds to words to thoughts to images.  Loudly ringing above the cacophony of information are the voices of “experts” of all kinds. We have medical and wellness professionals who tell us what to ea...

Each year, the school where I work holds its own Election Day in November. It's an opportunity to teach K-3 students about the democratic process and the importance of voting. Instead of wading into the murky waters of actual political candidates, though, the students vote on some silly thing they want their principals to do. Last year, the students voted for a Tutu Challenge, in which my fellow principal and I competed in various obstacle course-style events, involving layers of tutus. It was a ridiculous, fun event right before Thanksgiving Break.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, I won.  This year, as we developed the ballot, the phenomenal teacher who organizes the voting event suggested we add a "Freaky Friday," day, where the principals would each dress like each other, swapping places like in the hit Disney movie.  Of course, "Freaky Friday" won the election. Are you surprised? So, here's the thing, though. I am not a very "girly-girl" ty...

A few days ago, I listened to an episode of Rainn Wilson's (of The Office  fame) podcast Soul Boom.   In the episode, researcher Alex Banyan was talking about his book, The Third Door , in which he chronicles his unconventional approach to tracking down and talking with successful people. What intrigued me most about Banyan's conversation with Rainn Wilson, though, was his take on the mental health crisis facing Americans, particularly younger generations.  Banyan discusses some of the usual contributors to increased depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicide among young people -- the rise of the smartphone, social media, the dopamine hit of constant scrolling. But he broadened technology in a way I hadn't considered before -- to use his term, the rise of isolating technologies. Think about it -- we can utterly avoid human interaction if we so choose. From Door Dash to self checkouts to branchless credit unions, if we want to only interact with machines, it's entire...

This week at our school, we are celebrating American Education Week. (Dear Reader, "celebrate" at a primary school means dress-up days, or you aren't doing it right.) Yesterday was Career Day -- as in your education will eventually help you build a life, so dress like a career you'd like some day.  The halls were filled with little doctors in scrubs, police officers in uniform, teachers (hilariously dressed in cardigans and glasses, just like many of their own teachers), firefighters in what was likely their Halloween costume.  One little girl came up to me and said, "Guess what I am, Dr. Clark." I studied her -- sneakers, leggings, a striped shirt and a sweater. I got nothing. She looked like a kid. Trying not to disappoint her, I said, "Are you an entrepreneur? That means you run your own business." Without missing a beat, she said, "Nope, I'm just a kid, Dr. Clark. It's not that deep."  Laughing, I gave her a hug and sent her o...

 Years ago, when I was a high school English & Drama teacher, I had a student ask me to refer to them as "they" and use "they/them" pronouns. This would have been around 2015-2016. In a small town, in Central PA.  Now, despite being the music director at a Catholic Church on the weekends at the time, students knew I was open-minded and accepting. I taught a Gender Studies elective, and all types of people were accepted and celebrated in my classroom and on our stage.  But, "they/them" was sort of new (to me and our town) in 2015. I understood the limitations of a gender binary, and while I personally couldn't relate to gender fluidity, I listened to what my student told me, and I respected their viewpoint. I fixed their bio in our upcoming play production program.  Here's where I got hung up -- "they" is plural. Again, this was in 2015 or so, and I was an English teacher. At the time, we were still using "(s)he," "he/sh...

Allow me to describe some character traits, while you consider whether or not you can relate to them, OK?  * Are you the one who always organizes things, down to sending personalized reminders to your adult friends/coworkers? * Do you find yourself taking the lead on projects over and over again? * While others say things like, "Would it be cool if we went to Spain someday?" are you the one researching tour companies, reasonable flights, and cheap hotels? * Do you assume more than your fair share of chores at home? * Are you the keeper of the address book, the sender of the group texts, the main communicator in your tribe? * Are you the one who "makes things happen"?  * Do you find yourself thinking, "If I didn't do this, it would never get done"? * Have you never, not once, allowed your child (or coworker, perhaps) to fail at something because you could see the problem screeching down the tracks so you fixed it before a crash could happen? Now, I am n...

 A few years ago, I read Everything is Figureoutable  by Marie Forleo. In it, Forleo talks about her mother's creativity and resilience, figuring out life as it came. I informally adopted the title of her book as my mantra, and it came in HANDY as we approached the beginning of this school year. We encountered a flood that shut down our school for 3 weeks before kids and teachers were supposed to arrive; we had terrible personal tragedies hit our staff; we had unexpected staffing changes. And we kept saying, "OK, we will figure this out."  I repeated, "Everything is figureoutable, team," and I overheard our team saying, "OK, let's figure this out together," over and over and over again.  Recently, one of my teachers gave me this present --  As soon as I saw the sticker underneath the "Everything is Figureoutable" plaque, I KNEW it was a gift from one of my Special Education teachers. If you know, you know...Documentation is KEY in Special...

No one tells you, when you are up to your eyeballs in dirty diapers as a new parent, that the hardest days are yet to come. You think, as you drag yourself bleary-eyed from one middle-of-the-night feeding to the next, that it's going to get easier. It would be bad for business to let on that these extremely hard days will one day feel like the good old days. Instead, we believe it will get better. It has to.  And in some ways, it does. Your child gets old enough to feed themselves, clothe themselves -- heck, they even start contributing to the household by doing chores. You start to get comfortable, thinking you must have this parenting thing down pat. But, honestly -- the bigger your kids get, the bigger their problems get (and the more expensive). The older your kids get, the more your role as a parent shifts as they face problems.  Or, at least, it should.  Not everyone thinks this way, and some parents continue to insert themselves and attempt to fix their adult child...

In our area, the YWCA hosts an award program, recognizing Women and Young Ladies of Excellence, in various categories from Advocacy to Education to Arts & Culture. This year, I was honored to be nominated in the category of Education. On the day of the awards ceremony, the school I work at went over the top to celebrate their assistant principal being in the running for an award. At the beginning of the school day, our secretary declared the day was Dr. Clark, Jackson Primary Woman of the Year Day on the morning announcements, and I was presented with a trophy, a sash and (I kid you not) a crown to wear all day.  I was also given two large binders -- one filled with notes from every student in the school, and the other filled with notes from my staff.  I was truly stunned. We continued on with the day, with me wearing my sash and crown, of course. Then, 10 AM came, and our secretary again came on the announcements to introduce a student who wanted to read their letter abou...

In the stillness,  In the deep,  I go to the place where my soul weeps.  On the surface,  Another shiny gold star.  Producing, efficient, worth better by far.  Inside, though,  Curls a weary soul.  So tired of grinding to prove a goal. Our worth just is. Nothing more to gain.  Om namah Shivaya.  I honor the divinity that resides in me. Resides, as in a home,  Without a mortgage to pay.  The divinity that merely is, without striving.  Lay it all down.  Stop playing the fame.  There's nothing to earn that you don't already have.  Om namah Shivaya. I honor the divinity that resides in me. 

The Sufis call spiritual practice, "Remembrance," because much of what we "learn" in our spiritual pursuits, we already know and have forgotten. Think about it -- how many times in life have you learned the exact same lesson? Take that old chestnut "Love your neighbor" for example...have you mastered that one yet? Yeah, me either.  In some religious traditions, the entire canonical Bible is read in a 3-year cycle. Rinse and repeat. And yet, every time I hear a "familiar" passage, something new rises to the surface. This morning, in my tiny Episcopal parish, we read Psalm 127 together, and the third verse stood out to be like never before: "It is in vain that you rise so early and go to bed so late; vain, too, to eat the bread of toil, for he gives his beloved sleep." I've heard this psalm many times before -- yep, got it. Unless God builds the house, it's in vain. Yep, been there, heard that. This time, though, at a time in life...

 A few years back, we had a gratitude pumpkin for the month of November, leading up to Thanksgiving. It was so simple -- all you need is a pumpkin and a Sharpie. Every day, people in the family would spontaneously write things they were grateful for on the pumpkin. No explanation needed, just a word or a few words to capture the essence. For whatever reason, I didn't make this a priority lately (most likely due to the hectic, demanding nature of life and work), but I happened to have a spare pumpkin at my disposal this year, and voila! the Gratitude Pumpkin has been revived: Lots of times, I've tried to start a gratitude journal practice, and honestly, it doesn't take too long before it feels forced, and I'm just looking for stuff to write down. Know what I mean? But with the gratitude pumpkin, I think a few things make it appealing: 1. It's a community effort. We all add to it, and it's really neat to see what other people add. This weekend, our second-grader ...

I admire the hell out of Tom Hanks. I can't think of a movie he's been in that I didn't like. He's done serious work, funny work, historical work. He's America's favorite toy cowboy, Christmas train engineer, and cross-country runner who taught us that "life is like a box of chocolates." He did a film about AIDS when no one was talking about AIDS, and he managed to perform the bulk of a movie without speaking and still move our hearts. He even founded a coffee company whose profits go to supporting American troops. (As a WingMom, I'm deeply impressed by this.) So when I heard Hanks on Jay Shetty's podcast  last week, talking about his new movie, I told my husband we needed to go see it. The film is called Here . I was hard-pressed to explain to Gene what the movie was about when he asked: "Uh, I mean, it's about people, and their lives, I guess? I don't know. It has Tom Hanks in it, so that's enough for me." Gene, like a...

As the 2024 Presidential election results indicate that Donald Trump will yet again lead our nation for 4 years, I find myself reflecting on the collective elephant in the room: political views. No one really talks about their political views, unless they are staunch supporters of either side of the spectrum. The people who have moderate, rational thoughts about the way our country should be run are not likely to attempt a conversation with those who loudly argue for their candidate. I, for example, have rational questions about how self-proclaimed Christians can get behind a candidate who is so proudly immoral and disgustingly misogynistic. But oh my! If I were ask any of those questions, I'd be in the hot seat, peppered with questions like, "If Kamala is so great, why didn't she fix this country in the 3.5 years she's been vice president, huh?" A question about one candidate is viewed as a vote for the other. Shouldn't we be questioning all our candidates? S...

As a young girl, I picked up on the notion that we were to hate our bodies. We were never thin enough, tall enough, pretty enough, enough enough. Add in that I was active in an evangelical Christian church as a kid, where the apostle Paul was glorified for saying thing like, "I beat my body and make it my slave," and not surprisingly, I've had a fairly tumultuous relationship with my body for oh, about 35 years or so. More recently, however, I've begun to entertain the notion that maybe, just maybe, my body might actually be sort of, well, a freaking miracle. (It's not just my body, guys. Yours, too!) Think about what is going on in your body at this very moment. Your heart is beating and has been your entire life without you telling it to. Your lungs have been breathing air. Your digestive system is transforming your food into energy, sorting out the waste. Your brain is constantly taking in information, scanning the environment, responding to stimuli.  A comple...

Yes, I know the "year" is almost over, but not when you are an educator. Actually, even before I officially became an educator, back when I was just a nerd who loved school, my "year" was always August - June.  This summer, as the start of the school year approached, I deliberated and decided on the word "intentional" for my 2024-25 year. As I reflected, it became obvious to me that several good things were happening at the school I'm serving at, and I wanted to be sure that the good work continued, and not by accident moving forward.  As we fill up our schedules with activities and meetings and professional development opportunities, are we being intentional? Are we selecting these things on purpose? Do they serve our goal of doing what is best for kids?  What about our staff? Are we thanking our substitutes who show up, in the midst of a sub shortage? Are we pausing and truly listening to our teachers as they talk to us? Are we intentional about our ...

In the past 2 years or so, I've done a lot of work on my ego. (Yes, I realize it sounds self-centered to even utter those words, but stay with me, OK?) In the work I do as an assistant principal in a primary school, I am regularly putting out behavioral fires. My team and I help dysregulated kiddos, oftentimes those who need removed from the classroom so that the teachers can continue educating the rest of the class. I could (but won't) tell some pretty intense stories of students mired in trauma and conflict. My goal, and the goal of my team, is to do what is best for kids. This means letting go of the ego and staying humble. Oh, and believe me, kids will keep you humble.  There have been times when I've worked with a student for over an hour, then my school counselor walks in and says some of the same things I've been saying, & suddenly, bam! it works, the kid hears her and responds. There have been times when just the presence of one of my interventionists chan...

When I was in high school, I loved to play the flute. After a late start in the 7th grade, I quickly caught on to the fingerings and played my instrument all the time at home. I was in a highly competitive marching band, back in the glory days of competitive bands. We'd often compete in two shows a week, squeezing a morning and evening show in on a Saturday, after playing for the football team Friday night. Or, we'd find a Sunday afternoon show to compete in, and tack that on to our usual Saturday competition.  Our "band camp" started the day after school let out and went through the summer. Every day, hours a day. I remember the senior band members driving around in a hearse (you read that correctly) to pick up the kids who didn't have rides to rehearsal. We also had this sketchy van with carpet on the sides that our band director added to the fleet when the number of kids needing rides grew.  (As a school administrator now, I cannot believe any of this happened....