Putting the Pieces Together: Simple Family Connection

Each winter, for no real reason I can pinpoint, I get out a puzzle and start it on our enormous dining room table. It turns into a massive group project, with pretty much everyone who sets foot in our house seeking and finding a piece or two. As people shift through pieces, looking for just the right one, conversations flow. Aside from the typical holiday traditions, the puzzle has become one of my favorite parts of winter. No one is on their phones, aside from possibly playing some music in the background. There is a common goal, and because there is no direct eye contact, the conversations tend toward deep and serious topics.

 (Brain science tells us that direct eye contact can intimidate people, especially those in dysregulation. This is why some of your best talks with your kids happen in the car or when you are walking somewhere, side-by-side, without eye contact.) 

This Christmas, Gene gave me the Cadillac of puzzle tables, complete with little side drawers that pull out to house pieces as you sort them. (I took this as perhaps a hint that he wanted the dining room table back.) 


The effect of the new puzzle table was the same this winter, and in fact, now that we have a separate, special table for puzzles, it may just become a year-round activity. Like anything else, it will surely have its ebbs and flows in interest, but still, the invitation to collaborate, solve, and converse will stand. 

Maybe you are a puzzler (I've been finding people who "pass puzzles" when they are done with them, trading amongst our nerdy selves); maybe you haven't done a puzzle since you were a kid. Maybe puzzles aren't your thing, but you used to love board games. Maybe it's time for a family game night. Maybe it's time to learn how to play Gin Rummy.  I'm not sure of your path, but I am sure that making opportunities for connection simple and accessible make it more likely that they will happen. There is something to be said for making or playing or doing something together with people we care about. 

What's your puzzle table?

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